辉耀

1、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He
said okay, you're ugly too.
心理医师：你神经病！！！ 我：能说点别的吗？
心理医师：好！！而且你真TM丑！！！
2、 A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get marri
ed?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要花多少钱啊？”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道..
.没看见我还在交钱吗？”
3、 Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't
beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you
will have the element of surprise.
有人说“打不过，就合作”。我说“打不过，也要打”。因为丫们指望你加入，得来点惊
喜~！
4、When in doubt, mumble.
脑子不好使的话，你就嘟囔。
不明白的话，哼哼试试。
5、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
我已决定长生不老，目前为止，感觉良好。
6、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wis
h they were
好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。
7、If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
跳伞是这样一种运动：不成功则成仁！
8、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在！
9、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
知识就是力量，力量会邪恶化。那么就好好学习当大魔王吧！
0、Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
钱买不来幸福，但有了它，痛苦的日子会好熬一点。
11、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
跟悲观主义者借钱吧！他反正不指望你还！！！
12、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
担忧真的好使！！老子担心的事儿90%都没发生！！
13、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
贞操如泡影，一戳无踪影。
14、Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
这年头，连怀旧都不如从前够味儿了。
15、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
只要主义真，猪也成超人。
信春哥 ，得永生
16、I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. A
fter all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
我早就该知道我跟我EX没戏！归根结底，我是天枰她是JP！
17、Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're stil
l here."
豪马克卡上的话：没有你我痛苦万分，正如你就在此处。（没有女人冷冷清清，有了女人
鸡犬不宁）
18、You're never too old to learn something stupid.
越活越2~ /活到老,2到老
19、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that yo
u will look forward to the trip.
直译：外交家们说让你下地狱的时候，措辞也好像你正巴不得来这么趟旅行。
20、 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going
to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yea
h? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
我和个壮汉闹急了。 他：老子非得用你丫脸把地给擦了！！！ 我：你会后悔的！！ 他：
噢？真哒？怎么讲？ 我：呃，边边角角的地方你擦不到！！！
21、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagi
nation whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已
22、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我TMD死盯着它几个小时了啊！
23、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题，SB管理才是问题
24、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人或许击得并不重，但她们击得更低.....
女人总是能击中男人的要害。
25、Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
直译：记着吧……世界要不恶心，我们早被吐掉了。
别抱怨了，这个世界要是真和谐了，我们这种人就不应该存在~
意译：你们TMD给我记住：没有和谐社会，你们早让美帝国主义给糟蹋了！
26、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
上帝蜀黍疼你，只是大家都觉得你2B而已
27、I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者，现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断，现在我不大确信是否还是如此。
28、I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。
29、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on
your pants.
直译：如果你始终脚踏实地，那就别想穿裤子了。
意译：人太老实没法活。
30、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit th
e target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿，我是打哪儿指哪儿。